HOW THE HELL DID JAMES HARDEN LEAN OUT OVERNIGHT???

I’m sorry, how the hell does James Harden go from looking like he’s hiding a pillow under his shirt, to looking like a real athlete???

Seriously, what’s the deal with airplane food? You flew from Houston to Brooklyn and dropped 50 pounds?

You detoxed from strip clubs for a couple of days and you return to form??

Fuck this Harden. Give me fat Harden back.

**Cough cough My fat James Harden Blog cough cough**

Look at him! He is the definition of excellence! Imagine how many Buffalo wings he could eat. Spoiler, it’s a whole Buffalo (instructions unclear. Ate a Buffalo).

He could’ve been caught in Houston being lovable and far, instead he’s in Brooklyn on the new hated super team and he’s lean again.

Skinny Harden sucks.

Kyrie Irving Decided Not to Play Tonight Because “He Didn’t Want To”

We all need mental health days right?? A nice day to sit back and mentally reset from all the bullshit that the world throws at us.

Kyrie Irving decided that he didn’t want to play tonight and the Internet hated it…

I’m a salty Celtics fan, so I’ll give you a chance to get off the ride here.

Still here? Really? Okay, can’t wait for your angry comments. Just know I’ll be envisioning your stupid grey blob court the entire time.

All of these people are right to be mad. Bro, there are tired teachers that would die for a quarter of what you make. They can’t take days off.

If this was truly a mental health day, then it should’ve been phrased as such. Even better, you should’ve just not answered the questions. Prioritize your mental health kids…

Kyrie added 5 gallons of fuel onto the bonfire/media target that is the Nets locker room and I love it. I’m going to sit back, grab some popcorn, and watch as the Barclays arena goes down in flames.

Fat James Harden is the Hero 2020 Needed

2020 has been hard for a lot of people. A ton of us have gained a ton of weight during quarantine.

I can breathe knowing that James Harden currently looks like the dude that hangs out at the YMCA and tries to hop in every pick up game because he “Coulda been in the league if it wasn’t for my damn knee…”

Oddly specific right?

I know he wants a trade and he took some time away from the team blah blah blah, BUT WHO THE FUCK IS THIS MAN?

This is James Harden.

This isn’t James Harden

I MEAN DAMN.

He’s the hero we’ve needed. This man ins a professional athlete at the top of his game. He looks like us. He is US. WE ARE HIM. WE ARE US?

Communism break

This kind of thing happens all the time. Sure he’s getting roasted online, but that’s just the cycle. He’s going to get back in shape, end up in Miami, and fail in the playoffs. It’s the new Harden cycle.

Team Bonding: IG Model Claims She “Orally Pleased” 7 Phoenix Suns Players

You might remember the article I wrote about the fact that players in their bubbles need to uhh… “release”

Never. Ever. Not in a million years. Would I expect this story to come out of that same idea (awful choice of words).

Apparently, some IG model named Aliza was snuck into the Suns Hotel and felatioed, gave felatio, uhhh screw it. She blew 7 Suns players at the same time.

Note. The Celtics chose to play dodgeball and bowl together for bonding. The Suns got simultaneous head. One of those teams went undefeated. They also, didn’t make the playoffs so you win some you lose some.

There’s not much else to say about this whole situation so I’m going to list off some James jokes.

-I bet the Suns thought they would only be tested for COVID, boy were they wrong!

– I guess you can call them the rising Suns. (Boner joke)

-I wonder who called her over, who do you think was the Booker. 👀

-its a shame they didn’t make the playoffs, that really Blows.

There Is Nothing Wrong With “Reliving” Sports Games

We here at BOTA take pride in our opinions and posts. But that doesn’t mean we always have to agree with one another. As a sports blog, especially without sports during this pandemic, opinionated articles are a necessity and what we at BOTA feel is the best way to connect to our viewers. However, sometimes we disagree on things, and that’s what makes BOTA so special. Having the respect to disagree with one another and fight back on your claims is what this is all about. And this is that case.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with “reliving” sports games. If someone wants to rewatch a past game, championship, moment, by all means go for it. Maybe you don’t get the rise of that original moment in real-time. But some people still do, and there is nothing wrong with “reliving” glory. I still get chills rewatching a certain number of games. 2004 Red Sox playoffs for example. I get chills down my spine every single time I watch Dave Roberts steal second. The Patriots (almost undefeated) 2007 season. The Bruins 2011 Playoffs. The Patriots 28-3 comeback. All of it is absolutely unreal and we should take pride in having the ability to rewatch and “relive” those moments.

To me, and whether it’s the same for others or not, “reliving” past games is like a sanctuary. Sure maybe you know the end result, but that doesn’t mean the path to it was easy and not interesting or mesmerizing. “Reliving” past experiences is something every single human experiences. We all have memories that we cherish in our lifetime. So why can’t sports be involved in it too. I was 6 years old when the Patriots won their first SuperBowl, does that mean I can’t go back and watch those moments? Am I supposed to just say to myself “ I know they won so that’s cool and all but I don’t really remember the game or anything so I’ll just leave it at that”? No of course I’m gonna go back and watch highlights of the game or the full game itself. Of course I’m gonna find out why the Patriots were so special in that season and what I couldn’t remember. Of course I’m gonna go through the timeline to figure out how my team became World Champions.

Maybe the feeling isn’t the same the second time around. But that doesn’t change the fact that some people still get that rush off rewatching or “reliving”. We all rewatch movies. We all rewatch tv shows. We all take pictures to “relive” moments. Sports is absolutely no different. The past should be cherished and if I’m a “moron” for “reliving” some of sports greatest moments, than so be it. However, I take pride in “reliving” some of the greatest sports moments and you should too.

Who Has Won Quarantine Entertainment? Tiger King vs. The Last Dance

The documentaries that spawned a million memes.

A gay, drug dealing, lion breeding, reality star facing off against the GOAT and the end of a dynasty. You would’ve never thought this matchup to be possible, but then one day a guy in Wuhan eats a bat and we are all locked inside.

Let’s weigh in

Tiger King

Tiger King was the OG of this quarantine. Joe Exotic captivated all of us. You never really knew what he was going to do next.

Watching the Joe vs. Carole Baskin (that goddamn bitch) saga wasn’t even the most entertaining part of this documentary.

Joe Exotic acted like you gave a thirteen-year-old a million dollars. Fist the tigers, then the guns, then he runs for president and mayor. You really don’t know is what’s coming next.

The Last Dance

This is the documentary that sport fans have been waiting for.

Sports fans have waited for anything to gather around and watch. ESPN delivered with 2 hours of drama every Sunday.

The Last Dance, follows the 97-98 Bulls and recaps Jordan’s illustrious career as he finishes his last season with the Bulls.

The all access look at the collapse of a dynasty has been highly anticipated and beyond entertaining.

Final Thoughts:

These two documentaries came out at pivotal times in a pandemic. Tiger King helped us settle into quarantine and gave us entertainment in a dark time.

The Last Dance has been there when it looked as if there was no end in sight. While white people yell about not being able to get bad haircuts, ESPN helped the rest of us survive the end of days.

I don’t really know where I stand on a debate I started, but I think I have to side with Tiger King. The quotes and memes have made it a staple of 2020.

Boston Is Collapsing

Boston fans, you have had a rough 2020 so far. Not only has Coronavirus shut down everything, the teams you hold near and dear to your heart are falling apart.

It all started with Mookie. Ohh Mookie. You were a victim of baseballs biggest hard decision. Do you keep the top three MLB talent and pay him what he wants? Or trade him to a NL rival? The Sox picked the later and it hurt.

Then we lost a fan favorite. Poor Brock Holt. We allowed him to walk and he signed with Milwaukee (do you know how many tries it took me to spell that? Too many). Brock was a great clubhouse guy and his son griff stoke the show on Instagram. Now he’s gone. It couldn’t get any worse.

Well it did and screw you for jinxing it. Corona virus came and said “Wuhan clan ain’t nothing to fuck with.”

Corona virus shut down every major sport from the NBA (where the Celtics has a chance to win it all), to the NHL (where the Bruins probably were going to win it all). We lost March Madness and all of it’s gambling glory.

Our March was empty so far, but there was a hope.

Yes, I get to be Luke in poster.

NFL FREE AGENCY. It was set to be a wild ride. We were all anxiously waiting for Tom’s massive decision. Some of us…(Chris) thought he was staying in New England.

I remember the exact moment. I woke up to the news. All I heard was a million Dunks iced Extra Extra‘s hitting the floor. Gallons of sweet disgusting coffee gone as the man who led the patriots to 6 championships left for Tampa Bay.

Side note: if you think about it. I’m like the Tom Brady Anti-Christ. Anti-Brady. I moved from Tampa back to Boston and Brady did the opposite. I eat strawberries he doesn’t. I’m just saying, the writing is on the wall.

He left the fans devastated, but things could only go up…right?

WRONG! HA! Idiot.

Chris Sale makes the tough decision to get Tommy John essentially removing him from this season and some of the next.

The hits just keep coming. It’s really not fair. I know I know, I’m the worst Boston fan of all time, but I am a Boston fan. This stuff affects me too! Just like not as much as some people….Chris. The only real way to wrap this all up is with something all the kids are saying. Oof. Big Oof.

Does The Coronavirus Cup Feel Good as a Fan?

With every season being suspended or potentially canceled, we are now in a weird place. What do we do with these seasons that have almost fully run its course.

March Madness is done and there’s no way we get a replacement tournament. Yet, the ACC crowned Florida State as champions of their division without playing their tournament.

The NHL season wants to resume, we want it to resume, but if it doesn’t then the Bruins will be your Stanley Cup Champions.

The Premier League is suspended for now, and teams have come out saying that they support giving Liverpool the trophy. This is where I’m most torn honestly.

Liverpool has been my favorite team for as long as I can remember and their last league title came before I was born (1989-90). I wanted them to win this year, it was destined to be theirs, but not like this.

It doesn’t feel right. You shouldn’t have parades or celebrations. If any team heavily celebrates their “win”, they are assholes and deserve all the ridicule and backlash.

Think of the Stanley Cup. It’s always a wild ride. It’s one of the few tournaments in sports where you never really know who wins. If you hand the Bruins the trophy, it means nothing. It’ll be marked with a big ol’ Asterix.

As fans, we should not be satisfied with the Corona cup. We should want an extended season that gracefully transfers us into the NFL offseason.

I’m Canceling Coronavirus for the Sake of Sports

This damn virus has threatened our very way of life as sports fans. It has closed stadiums, shut down cities, and made it so we can’t even high five our favorite athletes. Well, we live in the “cancel culture” and I’m here to tell you all that I’m CANCELING CORONAVIRUS.

I have to first give you the background. Caronavirus was born with the full name COVID-19 in Wuhan China. It was born in a weird market where they sold bats as some other weird stuff for food. It quickly rose to infamy and spread across the globe.

On this day, March 5, 2020, Corona virus has hit Italy hard and actually has forced the country to remove spectators from all live events. An actual tragedy for Serie A.

This could be us America! This virus could take America’s past time away! Where else am I supposed to take another loan out for a hot dog, if I can’t do it at Fenway!? It’s outrageous and it’s not just baseball!

The NBA season is coming to a close and their just as affected! CJ McCollum came out and said he won’t be signing autographs until this is under control. The commissioner, Adam Silver, released a statement asking players to “first bump fans instead of high five.” Sir. I am an AMERICAN. I will high-five as it is my patriotic duty! YOU CANT TAKE THE HIGH FIVES AWAY.

Not to mention, Coronavirus is threatening the biggest sporting event in the world, the Olympics, ever heard of it? If the virus isn’t contained soon, they will cancel the Olympics. Admittedly, this isn’t a bad idea, but how am I supposed to know how much better the USA is? You’ve gone too far Corona.

I care about three things in this world, my family, sports, and those little umbrellas they put in cocktails sometimes. You can take away my umbrellas, (why don’t more people do them?) but when you affect my family and sports? It’s war.

I have dug up a racist Facebook post that Coronavirus tried to hide and I have many more ready to go.

Coronavirus this is the end, we have you surrounded. It’s time to get canceled. You’re welcome WORLD.

Fact: Celtics vs. Lakers is the Best Boston Based Rivalry

Okay this is going to be more of a hype take away from the matchup I just watched, but like the title says, The Celtics vs. The Lakers produces the best games out of any of the Boston rivalries.

Yeah sure, Yankees vs. Sox is a classic, and Montreal is a dumb city full of whiny Canadiens that don’t even want to be there, but lately this classic matchup takes the cake.

Lebron is already the most hated guy in Boston, for him to go to a historic rival was massive. Watching him hit that step back to give the Lakers the lead was devastating. I hate him with all my body but damn if I don’t respect him.

This game alone gave us an awful technical, KCP flopping and a full five minute discussion and review of Anthony Davis’ pinky. I honestly, didn’t know that I hated Anthony Davis until tonight. Maybe it’s just a yellow and purple thing, but screw that guy!

Oh and don’t even get me started on Jason Tatum. 41 points tonight? The young star just puts the whole organization on his shoulders and runs with it. Screw you Kyrie!

The only thing that I can hope for as a lackadaisical NBA fan, is for this to be the NBA final. I believe it will be with all of my heart, but the NBA finals are no joke.

To round this whole thing out, great freaking game, I love this rivalry, fuck the Lakers, and I can’t wait for the next matchup in the Finals. Quote me, @me.