HOW THE HELL DID JAMES HARDEN LEAN OUT OVERNIGHT???

I’m sorry, how the hell does James Harden go from looking like he’s hiding a pillow under his shirt, to looking like a real athlete???

Seriously, what’s the deal with airplane food? You flew from Houston to Brooklyn and dropped 50 pounds?

You detoxed from strip clubs for a couple of days and you return to form??

Fuck this Harden. Give me fat Harden back.

**Cough cough My fat James Harden Blog cough cough**

Look at him! He is the definition of excellence! Imagine how many Buffalo wings he could eat. Spoiler, it’s a whole Buffalo (instructions unclear. Ate a Buffalo).

He could’ve been caught in Houston being lovable and far, instead he’s in Brooklyn on the new hated super team and he’s lean again.

Skinny Harden sucks.

Kyrie Irving Decided Not to Play Tonight Because “He Didn’t Want To”

We all need mental health days right?? A nice day to sit back and mentally reset from all the bullshit that the world throws at us.

Kyrie Irving decided that he didn’t want to play tonight and the Internet hated it…

I’m a salty Celtics fan, so I’ll give you a chance to get off the ride here.

Still here? Really? Okay, can’t wait for your angry comments. Just know I’ll be envisioning your stupid grey blob court the entire time.

All of these people are right to be mad. Bro, there are tired teachers that would die for a quarter of what you make. They can’t take days off.

If this was truly a mental health day, then it should’ve been phrased as such. Even better, you should’ve just not answered the questions. Prioritize your mental health kids…

Kyrie added 5 gallons of fuel onto the bonfire/media target that is the Nets locker room and I love it. I’m going to sit back, grab some popcorn, and watch as the Barclays arena goes down in flames.

Fat James Harden is the Hero 2020 Needed

2020 has been hard for a lot of people. A ton of us have gained a ton of weight during quarantine.

I can breathe knowing that James Harden currently looks like the dude that hangs out at the YMCA and tries to hop in every pick up game because he “Coulda been in the league if it wasn’t for my damn knee…”

Oddly specific right?

I know he wants a trade and he took some time away from the team blah blah blah, BUT WHO THE FUCK IS THIS MAN?

This is James Harden.

This isn’t James Harden

I MEAN DAMN.

He’s the hero we’ve needed. This man ins a professional athlete at the top of his game. He looks like us. He is US. WE ARE HIM. WE ARE US?

Communism break

This kind of thing happens all the time. Sure he’s getting roasted online, but that’s just the cycle. He’s going to get back in shape, end up in Miami, and fail in the playoffs. It’s the new Harden cycle.

The One BIG Shining Issue with the Sports “Bubble”

We are just around the corner from the return of sports and I can’t wait. I went from a desolate desert of dumb re-runs to having my brain force fed like a fat kid eating pudding.

Weird mental imagery, sorry, but sports are back! Which is great for us as fans, but what about players? Some have already opted out (like the entire Nets starting 5), but others are ready to go!

There’s just one problem. One big shining issue.

The players are locked into a hotel California type of deal where they can’t leave except to practice and play. Most leagues will be in this bubble for a couple of months. With limited contact from family members, including significant others.

Do you understand that I’m getting at yet? No? Okay, if you aren’t 18 or are easily set off by random people on the Internet please turn around and read any of my other articles or look at the kitten below.

Okay, for those of you that are left, hi! How are you? Good? That’s good!

Let’s be honest here guys I’m going to put this simply, we be horny. We aren’t even athletes, athletes are notorious for getting in trouble with sex scandals and cheating. What exactly is preventing them from going out in Florida and having some fun?

These leagues are begging the athletes to break the bubble and go out. So, what’s the solution?

I see two paths, you can either claim ignorance and ban players for every minor “incident.” Boring. The James path is better for the fans.

I say, tighten up security, lock that shit up like Fort Knox. The players will get pent up frustration because of this, tell the refs to ease up on personal fouls and let the athletes go at it.

Sounds backwards, but I want more basketball fights, sorry hockey but y’all know how to fight. I want some bad punches from basketball stars. Throw Mark Cuban in there with a steel chair and you’ve got pure entertainment.

You’re welcome America.

The Relationship Between Gobert and Mitchell is Beyond Repair

Do you guys remember that time Rudy Gobert got Coronavirus and shut down every league? Seems like so long ago. I was young, naive, and employed….

Shutting down every professional sports league is equal parts impressive and horrifying, but it takes it’s toll on a relationship.

Rudy making jokes about the virus and appearing nonchalant about the pandemic led to him spreading the virus through the locker room and infecting their star guard Donovan Mitchell. Which in turn, caused tension in the locker room.

Since that, trade rumors have been discussed and Goberts time with the Jazz seems limited.

Whenever we inevitably return to sports, Gobert will not be with the Jazz. You want to keep your star happy especially if he’s a top 25 player.

My closing advice to Dennis Lindsey, cut or trade Gobert and save the chemistry of the team. Although he is a good player, Mitchell is the leader. Mitchell is a star.

If You Think for a Second That LeMelo Made the Wrong Choice, You’re an Idiot

LaMelo Ball just purchased the Australian team he played for and that is a Big Baller move. As much as I don’t want to give LaVar any credit, he steered LeMelo in the right direction with this move.

Think about it, you’re 17. One of your brothers got drafted high and the other is a bum. You have a load of potential and offers from colleges everywhere. Do you go to UCLA? Or play international basketball and make your money?

Go ahead. Try to argue with me about how UCLA will set him in a better position for this upcoming draft. LaMelo made his draft stock go through the roof and is getting something valuable that not a lot of other players are getting. Practice. Granted, no one could predict a pandemic, but when there’s no March Madness where are you going to shine for the NBA Scouts?

I mean the kid owns a part of a team now at the age of 18. I don’t even own the shitty Accord I drive around in.

He was able to play top professionals all year and make his mark. All of this while increasing his draft stock and making money!That’s right a college age kid was able to profit off of their own name. That is the scariest sentence for the NCAA.

If I were them, I’d be shaking in my boots right now. LaMelo could’ve started a trend that could pick up steam and become the new norm. Unless they start allowing players to profit off their likeness. Until that day, the NCAA will remain corrupt and LaMelo will have done the right thing.

Fact: Celtics vs. Lakers is the Best Boston Based Rivalry

Okay this is going to be more of a hype take away from the matchup I just watched, but like the title says, The Celtics vs. The Lakers produces the best games out of any of the Boston rivalries.

Yeah sure, Yankees vs. Sox is a classic, and Montreal is a dumb city full of whiny Canadiens that don’t even want to be there, but lately this classic matchup takes the cake.

Lebron is already the most hated guy in Boston, for him to go to a historic rival was massive. Watching him hit that step back to give the Lakers the lead was devastating. I hate him with all my body but damn if I don’t respect him.

This game alone gave us an awful technical, KCP flopping and a full five minute discussion and review of Anthony Davis’ pinky. I honestly, didn’t know that I hated Anthony Davis until tonight. Maybe it’s just a yellow and purple thing, but screw that guy!

Oh and don’t even get me started on Jason Tatum. 41 points tonight? The young star just puts the whole organization on his shoulders and runs with it. Screw you Kyrie!

The only thing that I can hope for as a lackadaisical NBA fan, is for this to be the NBA final. I believe it will be with all of my heart, but the NBA finals are no joke.

To round this whole thing out, great freaking game, I love this rivalry, fuck the Lakers, and I can’t wait for the next matchup in the Finals. Quote me, @me.

Thank You Kobe

I won’t start this by saying “as a Celtics fan,” that doesn’t give Kobe the credit he deserves. Yesterday, we didn’t just lose a rival, we lost a legend. We didn’t just lose an athlete, we lost a man who inspired multiple generations to strive for greatness. He was more than just a name every kid yelled when they threw a paper ball into the trash. He was a hero… Is a hero.

His work ethic and trademark, mamba mentality drove everyone to never give up. To rest at the end, not in the middle. That mentality drove us here to create this blog and build something of our own.

I was at a restaurant when I got the news notification. I was in shock. There was no way. As I looked at my phone, locked into this insane drop in my emotion, another notification came in, and then another. The news kept getting worse as the day went on.

The child in me will miss you Kobe. The adult in me will honor you. The mamba mentality fired up my entrepreneurial spirit. Kobe Bryant gave me personally this idea that I will never die. At some point my body will expire, at some point, I will leave this world, but I want to leave behind a spirit, an idea. I want to leave behind something that will grow from the seed I planted during my time on Earth. For that, thank you Kobe. You are gone from this world, but your immortal spirit will live on.

To everyone else who we lost, your spirit will live on with your families. To those struck by it who are alive, please stay strong we are all with you.

The Brooklyn Nets Have the Ugliest Court in the NBA

As a Boston Celtics fan, I already hate the Brooklyn Nets. Yes, I’m still salty about Kyrie, no I won’t get over it. ANYWAY, I didn’t need more of a reason to hate them and yet here I am.

There I was watching highlights and the Lakers and Nets were featured. The Lakers had their stupid yellow get up on, but ohh what’s this? Where are the Nets? Ohh there they are! Blending into their dumb court. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the worst court in the world. THE BARCLAYS CENTER!!!

It is boring, it’s grey, it is sad, and they aren’t even the worst team in New York. This arena just looks plain and sad. It honestly reminds me of this childhood favorite.

THE GREYEST AND THE BLOBIEST. I was shocked that they tried reinventing a team with this awful awful arena. What exactly drew Kyrie and KD to there? The ability to play on a New York team that isn’t involved with James Dolan? Forget it. Fix it, re-make it, and get a better situation. No one likes your dumb arena.

Ja Morant Shouldn’t be Worried About Zion

Ja Morant has been a human highlight reel this season. He has filled the very large, Zion shaped hype hole left by his preseason injury.

In New Orleans final preseason game, Zion was absent with right knee soreness. He would proceed to get arthroscopic (big word alert) surgery.

ESPN treated Zions as the second coming of basketball Jesus. Although he had a great career at Duke, we have see too many first round flops to dive in on a Duke big man. Looking at you, Okafor.

Ja got the chance to take center stage. Bound to be the under appreciated rising star after becoming the second pick after Zion. He has delivered so far. As of writing this, he is averaging 17.9 ppg and 7 assists with an average of 29.9 minutes. Not to mention, he is leading in Rookie of the Year voting.

Zion is set to debut tonight (1.22.20) and ESPN is buzzing once again. Granted, there isn’t a lot for them to talk about at this time of year, but this has the feeling of a new Lebron hype beast. I foresee a future of daily Zion updates on every show for ESPN.

My friends, my beautiful followers, hi. I’m here to tell you not to worry. I don’t foresee Zion being as big as he is built up to be.

Exhibit A: His knee

Doctors are much better now,l than in previous years, but knee injuries are persistent. He has had issues since college. Remember the exploding shoe? Yeah. It was a bad omen folks.

Exhibit B: His range and stacking the paint

Zion is a powerful player, I’ll give him that, but what happens when you keep him out of the paint? He only hit a third of his shots from outside the paint. When he is in the paint, he is an animal, but isolate him, it might be a different story.

I know I only presented two opinions, but I stand by them. I firmly believe that Memphis building around Ja is the better long term move. This is coming from a guy who thought RJ Barrett was the best pick in the draft (still has yet to be seen). I will die on the hill that Zion will be solid in 3 years, but as far as this year, it’s not all it’s built up to be.