“Necessity is the mother of invention.”
Some old dude said that a while back and I never really understood what it meant until now. I mean honestly, what are the odds of starting a sports blog and then losing sports. I MEAN HONESTLY.
Well BOTA faithful, I want you all to have some great content, so I hatched a plan. I decided this weekend to do what I do best. Get Drunk.
While I was intoxicated, I decided to create an All-pro, All celebrity (kinda, stay tuned) offense and have sober me try to explain it. Let’s just dive right in.
Okay, let’s just start with the big shining issue. Adam Sandler was never in The Sandlot. I could’ve chose the Longest Yard or Water boy, but instead I chose a movie he wasn’t in. Good start, but it led to this bad photoshop.
Kevin hart as a running back is arguably one of my best choice. I think I was going for a Tarik Cohen type of running back. So, good job James!
Kevin James is just fat so I think that makes sense on my Offensive line. It’s the same thought process for Jonah Hill. I want the agility. Charles Greene from Ballers makes sense to my dumb drunk brain because he played a lineman.
They all make sense… What the fuck do Johnny Appleseed and a live bear have to do with my line. I guess no one wants to line up against a bear, but is a bear a celebrity? What bear? JAMES. You could pick anything to round off the line and you picked a bear and a fictional dude who planted trees.
WAIT. WAS I THINKING OF PAUL BUNYAN?
I PUT THIS TINY MORON ON MY LINE INSTEAD OF A GIANT?!?! COME ON!
Alright, let’s center here. John Krazinsky played football in that dumb leather head movie. I don’t hate that pick. I have no explanation for Jack Bauer, but I love it. He is working to save the world every day. I’ll put him in the slot.
Now, it’s time for my favorite grouping. My tight ends. TE 1 is easily the Dog from Air Bud. Wait, I wrote the dog from Air Bud? His name is Air Bud. I hate myself.
Pairing with my stellar dog is a stellar typo. Vin Beagle. I’m almost certain I meant Vin Diesel, but I’ll commit to the beagle front. I don’t know how well they’ll do blocking but I’m confident in their reviving ability.
Quick note to finish. Who the fuck is Bette Midler?
This team sucks. It is flat out garbage, lbut I love it. I’ll probably end up doing more of this in the future, so stay tuned.